if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
