If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
