Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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