genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
