I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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