awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
