therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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