I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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