he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
