the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
