This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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