Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
