i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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