just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's great music for shaving your balls
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
