there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
