I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
