So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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