My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
