I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
