you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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