M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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