come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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