im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
