The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
