You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
