What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
