I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
