he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
