you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
