Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
