you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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