He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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