i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
