I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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