I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
