i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
