Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
