are you still at the devil's house?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
