We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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