Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
