She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
