I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
