Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
