the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
These tits shall not be calmed
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