Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
