Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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