No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
