I seem to have left my pride at pride
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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