watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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