I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
