as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
