I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
