An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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