i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This baby is an asshole
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
