Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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