ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
