I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
